Wrestling Club

Special Guest Refewriter: Harry Baker

Who Am I? IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO I AM.

The fact that the rock is pretty much the only wrestler I can quote shows you the depth of knowledge I had before subscribing to this here blog. If this is a wrestling ring, maybe I can be a humble steel chair that gets smacked into somebody’s back really hard, ideally wielded by Wrestling Club founder Dave Bush himself. The peppy, fresh, potentially slightly annoying Matt Riddle to his legendary Randy Orton, if you will – but more on that later.

It was the summer of 2021. I’d invited Dave down to Margate to hang out on what just so happened to be the weekend of Summerslam, which turned out to not be a clash of interests, but an opportunity. After a day of doing really fun stuff that I have since forgotten because of the magnitude of what was to follow, the non-wrestling-fans in the house went to bed like losers. Our night was just beginning. I made some vegan cauliflower bites (can you smell what this blog is cooking, amirite?), then we went and got in the sea around midnight to freshen up – much to the bemusement of people who were spending their Saturday night going to a club like losers.

Come 1am I was ready to watch my first ever live wrestling event. I fell in love with RKBro. I lost my shit at Becky Lynch returning even though I had no idea who she was. I couldn’t believe how lame Nikki A.S.H.’s superhero costume was but I was sort of rooting for her regardless. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep for a bit in the middle like a loser. By the time Edge and Seth Rollins came on I was fully transfixed. This is the power of wrestling. I was ready for the main event: Roman Reigns vs. John Cena.

I’ll be honest I was a fan of Cena even before he started following me on Twitter. I’ve not seen anyone pull off jorts like that since Crash Bandicoot. I was familiar enough with his work to know that he could take his clothes off and dance, but the question I was left with (just like thousands of fans before me) was can he wrestle? Meanwhile Dave was sat there in a Roman Reigns t-shirt like a loser, so I knew where his allegiances lay. 1 minute in and I knew Cena was going to win. He was cheeky, he was lithe, he was living rent-free in the incredibly beautiful incredibly massive guy’s head. Based on my limited experience I figured he’d take between 20-30 minutes to do it but Becky Lynch had shown me anything was possible, and it didn’t stop me holding my breath every time the count got to 2.

What followed was Reigns throwing him out of the ring and smashing his head into some metal steps without seemingly breaking a sweat and I didn’t know what to think anymore. Then let’s just say his attitude got adjusted. As did mine about twenty more times in this match. I don’t need to explain what happens next because you’re obviously about to go and watch it, but there was a really great bit with a table. In the end the winner wasn’t John Cena or Roman Reigns. It wasn’t event wrestling itself. It was me for every life choice I’d made that led to me being able to witness this masterpiece of sports entertainment in my cauliflower-scented front room at 5am in the morning. And now you can too.

In 2014, the ultimate underdog Daniel Bryan proved all who dubbed him a B+ player wrong by winning the main event at WrestleMania 30 to become WWE World Heavyweight Champion in a match that wasn’t supposed to happen. In the years that followed, despite a near career-ending injury, Bryan continued to solidify himself as one of the greatest of all time, and by 2019 was in the middle of a delicious heel run as the Planet’s Champion (yes, being eco-conscious makes you evil in the eyes of WWE). The New Daniel Bryan was ‘changing the world’ one perfect promo at a time as he continuously insulted the ‘fickle’ fans and their consumerist ways, putting on in-ring clinics all the while. He was at the top of his game.

But was he ready for KofiMania?

In 2008, Kofi Kingston debuted with WWE and in the 11 years that followed, despite winning almost every other belt on offer and being a consistent high flying human highlight reel, he hadn’t been given one singles match at WrestleMania, let alone a WWE title opportunity. Then, in 2019, Kofi took part in a match that wasn’t supposed to happen. Due to another wrestler being injured, Kofi found his way into the Elimination Chamber to compete for Daniel Bryan’s WWE Championship (which at this point was made out of hemp). Bryan managed to scrape a win, but Kofi stole the show with his performance, and KofiMania began. When a spark of a match like that one lights a fire in the fans, totally unplanned by the powers that be, the resulting momentum is unstoppable. Daniel Bryan knew this all too well, and with the help of Vince McMahon, set about putting hurdle after hurdle in Kofi’s way.

The beauty of this story is that Kofi couldn’t overcome those obstacles alone, and when he finally faltered, it was his tag team partners Big E and Xavier Woods who won him the opportunity to compete at the Showcase of the Immortals. Usually, if a wrestler from a tag team is about to have a run at the title, one member will stab another in the back so that the whole thing can come to a nice neat collapse, but not this time. Instead, Kofi’s road to WrestleMania was walked by all three members of The New Day, to the beat of fans who were desperate to see him to get his due.

At WrestleMania 37, Seth Rollins was set to have a match against a mystery opponent. Every other top star in WWE was already booked for the Showcase of the Immortals, so who else would dare step up to one of the greatest of his generation? Well, I wouldn’t want to spoil the reveal, so on a totally unrelated note, let me tell you about Cody Rhodes.

Cody Rhodes is a second generation wrestler, son of the late and legendary “American Dream”, Dusty Rhodes. His first tenure at WWE started in 2006, and despite showing promise he never rose to the heights he felt he should have. He tried everything, including cartwheeling around the ring and hissing through silver face paint as a character called Stardust.

Finally, in 2016, Cody left to try and carve his own path on the independent circuit. It’s safe to say he was successful. In the six years that followed, he not only perfected a new persona, “The American Nightmare,” but in 2019 changed the landscape of wrestling itself by cofounding the first major North American promotion to exist outside of WWE in almost 20 years, AEW.

Rhodes hadn’t just carved his own path, he’d helped create one for a whole roster of wrestlers at AEW. However, in February 2022 he shocked the wrestling world and left the company. With two months to go until WrestleMania, speculation about a possible WWE return began immediately.

Meanwhile back in WWE, Seth Rollins was still without an opponent for the grandest stage of them all. Seth Rollins, who had no wrestling heritage, but after finding success on the indies had been signed by WWE and risen fast within their ranks. Seth Rollins, who had been trained at WWE by “The American Dream,” Dusty Rhodes while his son Cody watched on during the worst years of his career. Seth Rollins, WWE’s golden boy, who would surely be the perfect first opponent for their returning prodigal son, “The American Nightmare.”

Imagine watching four monster trucks with arms and legs wrestling for the Universal Championship at Summerslam 2017, and you’re pretty close to imagining this match.

The defending champion Brock Lesnar was used to entering his fights as the nailed on favourite, but this time he was being thrown into the bullpen with the Big Dog, Roman Reigns; the Monster Among Men, Braun Strowman; and a Samoan called Joe, Samoa Joe. All three men had been chasing Lesnar’s title for months, and now, having recorded talking heads in which each competitor said they would win the match, the day of reckoning had finally arrived.   

Despite the total weight of this demolition derby exceeding 1000 pounds, all four wrestlers fly around the ring like cruiserweights, or more accurately, freight trains with wings. From bell to bell the chaotic momentum almost never ceases, and whenever someone does dare to pause for breath, they are greeted with a swift chair, table, or airborne sweaty man to the head. Enjoy.

Some of the best stories in pro wrestling incorporate shoot (real) elements from the lives of the wrestlers involved. In this case, it was the state of Dolph Ziggler’s career. Despite being one of the best in-ring athletes of his generation with a character that popped, any momentum that Dolph had periodically been able to build in his 11 year run had never launched him to the level that many fans, and Ziggler himself, felt he belonged. By now he had ground to an absolute halt, his main job being to put new guys over (lose to them). He was genuinely considering leaving WWE. This was used to great effect in the build up to this match, the angle being that after back-to-back losses to the Miz, Dolph would put his career on the line in a last ditch attempt to turn things around and claim the Intercontinental Championship. The frustration Dolph was feeling in the story was real, and his pain made for powerful promos that had the fans firmly in his corner.

As well as an emotionally raw Dolph, this match boasts one of the greatest heels working today, the infinitely slappable Miz. It can be hard to get fans to hate you these days, but Miz still manages it, and there was no one better to rub salt in Dolph’s wounds. In the lead up to this bout Miz even created a lowlights reel of Ziggler’s career, which included his time with the green-clad cheerleading outfit, The Spirit Squad.

Apart from trying to put Dolph down once and for all, Miz also had his own point to prove. Since arriving at WWE fresh out of the reality TV circuit in the mid noughties, Miz had been trying to prove to all of his haters that he belonged. He’d crafted an oh-so-hateable character over the years, the Hollywood A-lister who only starred in D-list movies, and had recently brought relevancy back to the Intercontinental Championship with a reign in which he showed he’d do anything to retain the title. Nevertheless, Daniel Bryan had recently accused him of being a cowardly wrestler who fought like he was afraid to get hit, and more than ever Miz was out to show the world that he could go as good as anyone. All this combined to create one of the greatest matches of both superstars’ careers. It’s stiff and intense from the start, and never lets up.

There are so many reasons why Daniel Bryan has become my one of my absolute favourite wrestlers ever, but what tops the list is the way he runs really REALLY fast until he smashes either his elbow, knee, feet or head into either his opponent or some unforgiving object. He jogs to the ring with a just-happy-to-be-here grin, then goes to work messing people up. He has to be the first and maybe only superstar in history to insist that Vince McMahon make his merchandise eco-friendly, and at the same time he’s one of the most aggressive, hard hitting wrestlers to have ever graced the squared circle. Oh and also the fans refuse to go anything but apeshit for him every time he walks into an arena, launching his perfect in-ring offerings into the pro wrestling stratosphere.

A month before this match, Bryan failed to win the coveted Money in the Bank briefcase, which would have granted him the right to cash in a title shot at any time. Nonetheless, the momentum his ‘Yes Movement’ had gathered throughout the year had reached fever pitch, and John Cena had no choice but to grant Bryan a title opportunity in a match so important to the future of the company that COO Triple H would act as special guest referee. This would not just be a battle for the WWE Championship, but for the right to be the face of the entire organisation.

Before Bryan even got to WWE in 2010, he had spent about ten years earning a reputation on the indies as ‘the best wrestler in the world’, yet by 2013 he was still fighting to convince the top brass that he could be ‘the guy’. Conversely, Cena had been WWE’s franchise player since 2005, but was yet to persuade hardcore fans that he could really wrestle. In this furious blur of a SummerSlam main event, both men silenced their critics by taking each other to the limit of what they could endure and dish out. The careers of these two are littered with classics, but this match still rises to the top of both their lists. Most importantly, it’s got some of Bryan’s best super-fast running, plus an end credit scene that you don’t want to miss.

A promo is essentially a monologue from a wrestler or manager used to generate heat for a storyline, usually by trash talking their opponent. No one can cut a promo like Paul Heyman. Since 1987, whenever Heyman has spoken, people have listened. Using nothing but a microphone he’s taken down wrestlers, audiences, even Vince McMahon himself, and in doing so he has cemented himself as one of the central figures in the history of pro wrestling. Over the course of his career Heyman has enhanced the careers of legends such as CM Punk, Big Show, Kurt Angle, and an entire company in ECW, which he took from modest public access show to third largest wrestling promotion in the world.

Then there’s his work with Brock Lesnar. Originally managing Lesnar during his first tenure at WWE in 2002, Heyman reunited with The Beast Incarnate in 2012, and two years later the pair found themselves gunning for The Undertaker’s 21 match WrestleMania winning streak. Spanning 22 years, no one believed that Undertaker’s streak could be broken, and no one wanted it to be either. Nonetheless, as promised by Heyman, Lesnar walked into WrestleMania 30 and did just that. On Raw the following night, it was up to Heyman to justify the result. In a ten minute masterpiece, not only did Heyman single-handedly sell Lesnar as the only choice to conquer the streak, he also set the Beast up for the greatest run of his career.

If ever a match was worthy of being called a good time it’s this one, because this match is just a good. damn. time. In order to reach the top of the ladder and grab the belts, The Usos throw themselves at everyone, the Lucha Dragons throw each other at everyone, and the New Day throw everything in sight at everyone. I would say there is a spot in this match which you don’t want to miss but there are so many you probably won’t be able to work out which one I’m talking about. All three teams bump like maniacs throughout, accompanied by the sweet sound of special guest commentary from New Day member Xavier Woods. This match is proof that sometimes less is not more. Sometimes, countless ladders and a trombone is more.

I still remember where I was the first time I saw this most historic of matches: sat on my bed watching a pirate copy on my laptop… Still, that didn’t stop it from blowing my mind.

Undertaker and Shaun Michaels were two of the first wrestlers I ever saw, on a VHS tape of Survivor Series 1990 that belonged to my big brother. By the time this match was booked they’d been wrestling in WWE for about 20 years, and fans everywhere were clamouring to see what would happen when they met on the grandest stage of them all. Taker was going into this fight with a 16-0 record at WrestleMania, but if anyone could end the Deadman’s undefeated streak, it was Mr. WrestleMania himself, the Showstopper, Shawn Michaels.

This is truly an icon vs. icon match, as both guys frequent the Mount Rushmores of fans and wrestling royalty alike. The 70,000 in attendance were split down the middle as they watched two legends go to unbelievable lengths to win, resulting in moments which will feature on WrestleMania highlight reels until the end of time. In the end, everyone knew it would come down to who could pull the trigger with their finisher first. Would it be Taker with the devastating Tombstone Piledriver, or Michaels with his superkick, the Sweet Chin Music?

We won’t be watching a match this week. Instead, we’ll be watching what will no doubt go down in history as one of the most beautiful moments in professional wrestling. Two weeks ago, after a seven year absence during which fans never stopped chanting his name, CM Punk returned.

To explain why his comeback means so much to so many, I must attempt to explain who CM Punk is, and why he is worthy of the self-given moniker, ‘Best in the World’. Perhaps the reason most pertinent to you is that he’s the man responsible for Wrestling Club. That’s right. After a few years of drifting away from the squared circle, it was Punk’s work that got me back into WWE and the wider world of pro wrestling in a big bad way. If it wasn’t for him (and my mate Brian letting me use his WWE Network login), there would be no Wrestling Club. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

CM Punk began his pro wrestling career in a backyard in the late 90s, went on to build a name for himself with the independent promotion Ring of Honor, and eventually found his way to WWE in 2005. Despite earning a reputation as one of the best wrestlers on the independent scene, when Punk arrived at WWE he was shipped straight off to their developmental territory, OVW. No one seemed to know what to do with him, but time after time, he showed them. During his tenure at WWE Punk created the Straight Edge Society, a short-lived yet legendary heel faction built on Punk’s real life straight edge lifestyle; delivered the ‘Pipe Bomb’ promo, a six minute unscripted assassination of WWE that blew up the internet; held the WWE Championship for a record breaking 434 days; and gave icons such as The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, and John Cena some of the best matches they’ll ever have. The fact that a wrestler like Punk, who never fit the WWE top-guy mould, made it to where he did speaks to his G.O.A.T. level genius and dedication.

Punk has often described his time at WWE as one long fight, clearing roadblock after roadblock, but never realising his goal of headlining WrestleMania. In 2014, due to burnout and ill health, he left WWE on terms so bad that no one could see him returning. Then, in 2019, a new promotion called All Elite Wrestling was formed by three pro wrestlers and billionaire-fan Tony Khan. They were the first potential competition to WWE since 2001. But even with a new home on the cards for Punk, most didn’t believe that he’d ever return, with Punk himself shutdown the idea on multiple occasions. Yet here we are! CM Punk is back, with a company that want to collaborate, and fans that want to celebrate. To quote Punk quoting The Thing, ‘it’s clobbering time.’